AnnaMouse
Ordinary thoughts of an Unordinary girl.Archive for conflict
I am not a homewrecker.
Falling for a married man is the worst. I really thought I would get over this quick, yet I feel as if I have turned it into a catastrophic mind shit (messy). Spent time tonight contemplating quitting early so I don’t have to deal with this all summer. Then again, it could fade in that amount of time (knowing me, that is majorly doubtful). I was acting so gross tonight. I bought him a cupcake. I kept being up a certain fictional character he likes, just to have something to chuckle about, but it got to the point that it wasn’t even funny. ugh. Sickening. Last night didn’t help either. Imagining him being tough with some douche bag got me all hot and bothered …. damn him!!! Damn me! Damn hormones! Damn no sex!!!
I am sorry
I’m not sorry for being boring
I am not sorry I am quiet
I am not sorry I have nothing interesting to say
I am not sorry for being okay with silence
I am not sorry you don’t feel like talking either
I am not sorry I am okay with this
I often find myself making up apologies to people after we’ve hung out, about how quiet I was, or if I seemed uninterested (usually never the case, or I would have made an excuse to leave, awkwardly). I count on someone new I am hanging out with to mention that I am quiet. You’re so quiet. Bleh. Shut up. I don’t really feel like that when they say that, only now that I am thinking about it. What is so wrong with introversion and silence? It’s nice. And I expect this from those crazy extroverts that think silence is an insult, but for a fellow introvert to make such a comment is a bit harsh. So are you buddy! I am okay with silence usually. It can be slightly strange in a public place with so much commotion going on around you, that it feels like the conversation has to stay in step with the environment… screw that!
I find it hard to start conversations, especially when all the normal daily occurrences have been discussed. This boring chit-chat is all I am good at – if good is even an appropriate term. What am I thinking? Most always usually…nothing. Or nothing of interest that could be any type of conversation starter. I express when I feel similarly about something, but this tends to end the conversation before it even starts. For a long time I would not even say, “Oh me too!” for the fact that I thought it would be redundant and make me seem boring. When in fact I’m sure not saying a thing at all is what made me truly boring. Now when I do make this exclamation or include my similar insight, I feel … redundant and boring. Like I am trying to turn the conversation around and make me the center of attention, which of course is that last thing I want … lets not talk about me.
AnnaMouse 